Where next? What Now? Possibilities float around my head, but which are Yours? What dreams am I meant to dream fully and completely because You placed them there and which are the wonderings of the imagination you placed within me? It makes things complicated, the way you built my mind. Pictures, potential, stories: all around me, begging for my attention...
What is Peabody* and Georgette's story? Is it short or long, meaningful for their entire lives or simply a glimpse into who they are in themselves without each other, that brings this 'what if' that hangs around them? I try without even realizing to piece together the puzzles of who these people around me are, but like an author's characters rather than a detective deducing... I want to play with their live, figure out their past, presents, and determine the way their lives will likely go. This is Your story though. Am I meant to learn then, about life, about the people you have placed around me, or simply the nature of this divine Author that haunts me, makes me wonder, want to question about every little detail?
One of my all time favorite quotes from Aslan is about how 'we are only told our own stories not others' It gives so vivid a picture of the private, precious, and miraculous relationship of the creator and the beloved creation. So I have also a sacred warning about taking this game too far, but even if I tone down the busybody potential, what about my own story? Which of these possibilities are for me? What prodding are you sending me? To step out into one of these things? Blessings that are already planned for my life if I just step through the right door of possibilities? A lesson I'll find suddenly thrust into my lap after a few days of mulling over these experiences?
I want more. Every time you give a gift like this I soak it up, relishing the feelings of overwhelming YOU-ness, wanting to rolling the experience like a pig after rain, but then all to soon... "Thanks so much Lord, but.... cant I have another does now?" I want everything: specifics, explanations, more, more, more!!! "Please Daddy, PLEASE? Can't I have what I want?" Being a father must be such a conflicting feeling (much less being the ultimate father) pride as the child connects to where they were led, pleasure at the reaching longing for the dad's presence, and frustration and disappointment at the small and selfish actions that result from such good initial discoveries.
So give me more, more of your parenting, more grace for my mistakes, and more of what You want me to have rather than what I wish for. Fulfill me, make the potentials in my being into the reality of who I was meant to be. Open the doors to the paths you place in front of my as options blessed for my choice of actions, and shout unignorably the calls you have for my life.Use me, who you made me, to bless the other somehow, even if I never see the fruit.
But most of all, bring me back to this place of wonder and wonderings again and envelope me into your world once more!
*none of my friends are actually named Peabody or anything like that. Although that would be really cool, now that I think about it.
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